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Have you ever made up a list of things that you consider to be problems in your life? Has anyone ever suggested that you do this? It's a very good idea.... make your list. Have you wondered why certain items are on your particular list????? Okay, now you work on eliminating a few items... let's work on one first! Inevitably... what happens? If you are actually successful at dealing with an issue (by the way good for you), how long is it before something else seems to creep up the list into your reality? We must need to live with problems, some quietly, some not. Like they say, "there's always sumpthin"! How does this system occur and why? Sure we can live, perhaps for awhile believing that all our problems are minimal, but for how long? We encourage problems like they're our job! When I first met Angie (not her real name) she was in detox... a pursistent life of doing crack and the pursuit of crack had led her there. Through bleery eyes she first offered to t...

Our sensitivities are indicators of our inner projections... the thoughts or beliefs that we hold to be true. The indicators are critical to pay attention to. I'll give you an example... I go shopping and pick up 4 bags of groceries and bring them home. As my loving wife is helping me unload the groceries, she notices that I've forgotten an item, say, eggs. She point this out to me in an observational manner, "you forgot the eggs". On a good day... I hear the "observation". I don't take it personally nor do I feel threatened by the comment. It's simply a comment... information. I may respond with "do we need them today?" or "would you like me to get some later?"... On not a good day.... (I'll describe later what this means) I hear the comment and take it personally as a negative judgment and feel hurt and defensive. I quickly go through a cycle of self-comments, most of the time I am not aware I am doing this... My self-commen...

Ego has a purpose. It has a function in our lives that we all must consider, learn about and embrace. Our ego allows us to individuate ourselves from each other. I am a separate being on this planet. I exist as an individual. I have my own body, my own mind, my own will.... The job of our ego is to allow us to believe that we must exist this way. What is puzzling to me is that what we all seek in our lives, what we all feel is missing, what we all genuinely want to hold on to is connection; a sense of spiritual inclusion with each other, the desire to feel a true sense of belonging. We grieve when we don't have it and crave it when it's not there. Almost all art, all music is about one topic... unrequited love. The longing for that which we feel we don't have. So, now we have a paradox to deal with. On one hand we have our egos which cause us to see the world of separation, of division; and we have our spirituality which sees us as connected spirits walking along the same p...

There have been many books on addiction... many opinions on addiction... much research done on addiction... many questions about addiction.... I majored in addictions at college and worked for many years at an addiction treatment hospital and with many clients in my private practice over the past 20 years... I, like many others, don't have to look far to see addiction in my family & friends... But still no satisfactory explanation... We have addictions for alcohol, nicotine, food, sex, narcotics, coffee, work... There seem to be addictions for just about everything! The best explanation I have for addictions is that it is a complex blend of biopsychosocial components that seems different for every person. The similarity for all seems to be a loss of impulse control. We all need to remember that we can justify anything in our minds! When we have a pre-existing conclusion embedded in our minds, we will then naturally go to the supportive evidence to justify the behaviour. Ta...

It makes sense that we all tend to see things differently. We all have varying life experiences, information, judgements, perspectives and interests. We all think differently. People tend to become rigid and fixed in their expectations and beliefs about what's "right or wrong". Conflict occurs when there is a perception of competing interests between people. Because of our perceived differences, conflict seems to be a natural and normal occurrence in our lives. When conflict occurs in a family, particularly around a marriage separation, it can be worse because of the emotion involved. Taking sides and being right can seem even more important than never. These situations can often needlessly affect the well-being and natural development of children. Children can not help but be involved and their needs require sensitive attention. They can feel like it's their fault or feel responsible for fixing the situation. They can feel helpless, hopeless and alone. Others can als...

A good friend advised me one day many years ago that "what you hold in your head is what you hold in your hand"... Bringing focus to something that we consciously want heightens our awareness and sensitivity to that object or desire. It then may seem easier to acquire or work on that which we want, as opposed to what we don't want. It allows us to see opportunity where we might otherwise not. Be aware of the excuses/justification that can creep into our minds when creating positive change... I always try to remember to ask myself, why am I making something I want hard to get???? Why not put it into my head that it will be easy. It only seems hard because I may not have done it before or that I may not know about it. Unfamiliarity can certainly breed fear which will create judgement and negative intention... and allow me to lose my focus and give up... even before starting. We are creatures that seem to need experience... proof if you will, before we believe something. Ev...

Conflict seems like a natural part of our lives. As many times as we may find agreement in our lives, we are able to find disagreement. For most of us conflict is an uncomfortable state of mind. It causes stress, physically and emotionally. We view it as something to avoid. Conflict is caused primarily from a difference of perspectives or interpretations. We tend to focus on the differences and dig ourselves metaphoric trenches to maintain our position. We need to justify being "right" and the other person being "wrong". Huge amounts of energy and time are used in this defense of our righteousness. Some of us live in our trenches, feeling a sense of impending doom or attack. It's not if something is going to happen, it's when! Very difficult to even be aware of a sense of peace while in this state of mind, let alone, choose it as an alternative. If you are in this state of mind try to remind yourself first that you may have a choice in how the specific situa...

1. Brains don't have clocks... Brains are only able to process information in the present. People sometimes say to me that they're over a circumstance from their past, however they remain somewhat hostage to the situation and the resultant emotions. They are dealing with the emotion in the present, not in the past. If you want something in the future, you don't really want it in the future, you want it now! 2. Our brains focus on the object of a statement, not on a negative or positive. Try to not think about something... like pink elephants! 3. Our brains can't distinguish between reality and non-reality. Have you ever thought you'd done something or told somebody something? What we process in our brains is reality. Albert Einstein (my favourite philosopher) said, "reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. Until later... Leland http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/ info@CounsellingandMediation.com (905) 510-9117 (705) 443-8290

You don't get what you don't ask for.... You do get what you do ask for.... Be aware of what you ask for, consciously or otherwise! Until later, Leland Clipperton, H.S.C. http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/ info@CounsellingandMediation.com (905) 510-9117 (705) 443-8290

Our interpretations and perceptions guide our sense of reality. They determine how we view ourselves and others and how we see the world. Albert Einstein said, "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one". Our persistence of this developed illusion causes us to attract evidence to support our pre-exiting conclusion. Until later, Leland Clipperton, H.S.C. http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/ info@CounsellingandMediation.com (905) 510-9117 (705) 443-8290

It's incredible to me that our beliefs, interpretations and assumptions can be sooooo varied! When we go to a "professional" they will naturally have the outlook, perceptions and recommendations based upon their beliefs and training. We will sometimes hang on to what we believe to be true to our graves... even when alternatives may be obvious. Think about how we treat our own bodies. The obvious questions are... what do we put in our mouths that is contributing to our health? What do we do to exercise our bodies? Do we practice appropriate sleep habits? How do we manage the stress in our lives? Even when we have the "answers" and we know what we should be doing... what do we do???? Typically justify the immediated "negative" behaviour, allowing ourselves to have that ice cream, drink that beer, not go for that walk, etc. The discipline of looking after our own bodies seems to be more than we can handle... Can you imagine having the level of discipline...