Skip to main content

Sensitve?

Our sensitivities are indicators of our inner projections... the thoughts or beliefs that we hold to be true. The indicators are critical to pay attention to.

I'll give you an example...

I go shopping and pick up 4 bags of groceries and bring them home. As my loving wife is helping me unload the groceries, she notices that I've forgotten an item, say, eggs. She point this out to me in an observational manner, "you forgot the eggs".

On a good day...
I hear the "observation". I don't take it personally nor do I feel threatened by the comment. It's simply a comment... information. I may respond with "do we need them today?" or "would you like me to get some later?"...

On not a good day.... (I'll describe later what this means)
I hear the comment and take it personally as a negative judgment and feel hurt and defensive. I quickly go through a cycle of self-comments, most of the time I am not aware I am doing this...

My self-comments will regarding assumptions of what I think she's really thinking... I always forget things, I can't shop properly, I can't do anything properly, I can't be trusted, I'm inadequate, I'm incompetent, .... and on and on... until the inevitable ending comment... I know you hate me! or I know you don't want to be with me!...

I know, I know, ridiculous thoughts, unfounded in reality. So where then, do they come from? What makes them seem so real?

They exist in our minds as a reality that we are convinced of at the time.
Our minds are that powerful that we can make a non-reality, a reality.

These thoughts exist because they are a belief that we hold to be true about ourselves. Beliefs that we do not want to recognize because to do so feels counterproductive, bordering on psychosis. However, the belief must be there and is seen as a sensitivity that we react to.

Which is why it's so important to pay attention to them when they occur.
We don't immediately recognize them as sensitvities because we're busy being defensive, irritated, angry and blaming.

As important as it is, it's not an easy nor comfortable process to work through. If you find yourself in a similar situation, try to catch yourself or at least to remember the situation and the inner thoughts and feelings you may have been experiencing. I'd suggest writing the situation and responding feelings down first and then having a look at them later.

It's often very helpful to work with someone else not as invested in the situation to help you work through the process. Talk to a counsellor who is willing to explore the indicators until you're more comfortable doing this yourself.

Until later,
Leland

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Effects of Separation and Divorce in Children

  Most divorcing parents are very concerned about their children’s reactions to their separation and divorce. They want to know, “Will my child grow up to be healthy and happy?” Sociologists and psychologists are just beginning to provide reliable information about the effects of divorce on children. There are a number of important factors. Research shows that the effects depend on the age of the child at the time of divorce. It can also depend on the child’s gender and personality, the amount of conflict between parents and the support provided by friends and family.   One factor is clear though... the better you deal with your separation, the better your children will be!     Children 's Age   We know little about the effects of divorce on children younger than two or three years of age. Young children do not always suffer if a divorce occurs. However, problems may occur if a close relationship or bond between a parent and child is broken. Parents should agree...
Post a Comment
Read more

NewYear's Resolutions? How to be Successful!

New Year Resolutions? No Excuses! Most of us have made,,, and failed at our New Years Resolutions... In fact, most don't even bother any more... tired of feeling disappointed and upset at our own personal failures. There is a reason for everything! We need to better explore and understand why this occurs year after year... why we tend to make the same old mistakes and follow a similar path to a seemingly forgone conclusion. There is only one truth which is irrefutable: when what you're thinking or doing isn't creating the result you want... you need to change something! Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity!   Be successful this year!!!!!!  To start with: 1. Ask yourself why you think you want what you want? Write it down... all of it. 2. Ask yourself what you will be like when you achieve your resolution? 3. Then... the tough one... ask yourself what has interfered with you achieving your goals previously...
Post a Comment
Read more

Plan "B"

We are all accountable and responsible for our thoughts, words and deeds. Whatever we feel may be the "cause" of our demise, our pain, our struggle, our distress, our lack, our incompetence, our inadequacies, our misfortune... we are the only ones who can make this different. We need to step up to the plate, put our toes on the line and make a decision. Assess what you consider to be the problem, the cause of the problem and all the possible solutions you can think of. Ask those close to you what they think... and listen. Try to avoid the tendency to dismiss any ideas you may hear that might not fit what you THINK. If the solutions we consider to be feasible are based on someone else being different, or a situation being different without our changing, then the solution won't work... it just doesn't. You can paint it any colour you like, stop relying on that. The most common definition of insanity is one that most of you have heard... Repeating the same behaviour and ...
Post a Comment
Read more