Our ego allows us to individuate ourselves from each other. I am a separate being on this planet. I exist as an individual. I have my own body, my own mind, my own will....
The job of our ego is to allow us to believe that we must exist this way.
What is puzzling to me is that what we all seek in our lives, what we all feel is missing, what we all genuinely want to hold on to is connection; a sense of spiritual inclusion with each other, the desire to feel a true sense of belonging.
We grieve when we don't have it and crave it when it's not there. Almost all art, all music is about one topic... unrequited love. The longing for that which we feel we don't have.
So, now we have a paradox to deal with. On one hand we have our egos which cause us to see the world of separation, of division; and we have our spirituality which sees us as connected spirits walking along the same path.
It seems to me to be a common occurrence that when I experience "that moment" of connection, that moment when it feels like getting lost in someones eyes... actually having what I believe I am seeking...
my ego pulls me away from the experience, often with fear and typically with judgement.
Our egos become threatened by the connection we seek. Our egos focus on dis-connection which is justified by apparent differences. Those differences become fearful because they're not us. And those fears are justified by judgement.
All this process does is cause us to focus on the illusion that dis-connection is the reality and connection is a fleeting moment of our lives.
I suggest a slightly different approach...
Putting reins on our egos, using our cognitive reasoning, our logic and our spiritual strength to use and understand how to use the information process of our ego minds in a beneficial way. Our egos can't be eliminated, so why not re-focus it to increase our connection with others. If we are aware that each of us has a tendency to focus on our differences, then perhaps we can observe how we normally might consider those differences and offer ourselves the opportunity to consider understanding that the differences are beneficial, complementary. The differences do not need to be considered as threatening.
I want to provide an example regarding connection...
When we first meet someone, our tendency is to notice and focus on the differences like skin colour, gender, size, shape, smell, clothing, behaviour, speech, etc. The underlying assumption being that if we were the "same" we'd be less threatened and safer... therefore more connected. The better we get to know someone, the less threatening they become. We don't focus or even, eventually, notice the differences when we are focused on the connection. We subconsciously suspend the judgement and "threat" of the differences.
If you're a parent, you would have a difficult time denying or repressing the connection you have with your child(ren). You may not approve of, understand or support certain behaviours, but none of those things would/do/could alter your ultimate connection. In fact, we can not alter that level of connection.
We only seem to because our ego (yes it's back again) begins to see and focus on judgement and fear so we can feel unique and special because we're individuals.... yay! Isn't it odd that we can feel the most disconnected with the ones we care about the most? That we can feel the most threatened by the ones we love? We care about what they say... if we are reacting, it is because of our own sensitivities... but that's another time.
Until later,
Leland
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290
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