Conflict seems like a natural part of our lives. As many times as we may find agreement in our lives, we are able to find disagreement.
For most of us conflict is an uncomfortable state of mind. It causes stress, physically and emotionally. We view it as something to avoid.
Conflict is caused primarily from a difference of perspectives or interpretations. We tend to focus on the differences and dig ourselves metaphoric trenches to maintain our position. We need to justify being "right" and the other person being "wrong". Huge amounts of energy and time are used in this defense of our righteousness. Some of us live in our trenches, feeling a sense of impending doom or attack. It's not if something is going to happen, it's when!
Very difficult to even be aware of a sense of peace while in this state of mind, let alone, choose it as an alternative.
If you are in this state of mind try to remind yourself first that you may have a choice in how the specific situation is handled. What are your options? What alternatives have you considered? When the conflict involves another person (not within yourself) try to maintain a level of understanding of each other's interests in the conflict... why are you taking the position you are? What circumstances, information, interpretations, assumptions and desired outcomes are at play?
It is often easier to have someone else who is not involved help you resolve the issues and reach a different level of understanding. Ask a friend, family member or hire a professional mediator (like me) to help you.
Conflict does not have to be an everyday occurrence. You do not have to live in the trenches. You can learn how to train your thoughts to find alternatives that will allow you to be closer to the level of peace that we all seek. Until later
Leland
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