Skip to main content

The Nature of Conflict



Conflict seems like a natural part of our lives. As many times as we may find agreement in our lives, we are able to find disagreement.




For most of us conflict is an uncomfortable state of mind. It causes stress, physically and emotionally. We view it as something to avoid.

Conflict is caused primarily from a difference of perspectives or interpretations. We tend to focus on the differences and dig ourselves metaphoric trenches to maintain our position. We need to justify being "right" and the other person being "wrong". Huge amounts of energy and time are used in this defense of our righteousness. Some of us live in our trenches, feeling a sense of impending doom or attack. It's not if something is going to happen, it's when!

Very difficult to even be aware of a sense of peace while in this state of mind, let alone, choose it as an alternative.

If you are in this state of mind try to remind yourself first that you may have a choice in how the specific situation is handled. What are your options? What alternatives have you considered? When the conflict involves another person (not within yourself) try to maintain a level of understanding of each other's interests in the conflict... why are you taking the position you are? What circumstances, information, interpretations, assumptions and desired outcomes are at play?
It is often easier to have someone else who is not involved help you resolve the issues and reach a different level of understanding. Ask a friend, family member or hire a professional mediator (like me) to help you.

Conflict does not have to be an everyday occurrence. You do not have to live in the trenches. You can learn how to train your thoughts to find alternatives that will allow you to be closer to the level of peace that we all seek.

Until later


Leland
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Effects of Separation and Divorce in Children

  Most divorcing parents are very concerned about their children’s reactions to their separation and divorce. They want to know, “Will my child grow up to be healthy and happy?” Sociologists and psychologists are just beginning to provide reliable information about the effects of divorce on children. There are a number of important factors. Research shows that the effects depend on the age of the child at the time of divorce. It can also depend on the child’s gender and personality, the amount of conflict between parents and the support provided by friends and family.   One factor is clear though... the better you deal with your separation, the better your children will be!     Children 's Age   We know little about the effects of divorce on children younger than two or three years of age. Young children do not always suffer if a divorce occurs. However, problems may occur if a close relationship or bond between a parent and child is broken. Parents should agree...
Post a Comment
Read more

NewYear's Resolutions? How to be Successful!

New Year Resolutions? No Excuses! Most of us have made,,, and failed at our New Years Resolutions... In fact, most don't even bother any more... tired of feeling disappointed and upset at our own personal failures. There is a reason for everything! We need to better explore and understand why this occurs year after year... why we tend to make the same old mistakes and follow a similar path to a seemingly forgone conclusion. There is only one truth which is irrefutable: when what you're thinking or doing isn't creating the result you want... you need to change something! Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity!   Be successful this year!!!!!!  To start with: 1. Ask yourself why you think you want what you want? Write it down... all of it. 2. Ask yourself what you will be like when you achieve your resolution? 3. Then... the tough one... ask yourself what has interfered with you achieving your goals previously...
Post a Comment
Read more

Plan "B"

We are all accountable and responsible for our thoughts, words and deeds. Whatever we feel may be the "cause" of our demise, our pain, our struggle, our distress, our lack, our incompetence, our inadequacies, our misfortune... we are the only ones who can make this different. We need to step up to the plate, put our toes on the line and make a decision. Assess what you consider to be the problem, the cause of the problem and all the possible solutions you can think of. Ask those close to you what they think... and listen. Try to avoid the tendency to dismiss any ideas you may hear that might not fit what you THINK. If the solutions we consider to be feasible are based on someone else being different, or a situation being different without our changing, then the solution won't work... it just doesn't. You can paint it any colour you like, stop relying on that. The most common definition of insanity is one that most of you have heard... Repeating the same behaviour and ...
Post a Comment
Read more