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Apologies are not about doing something wrong or condoning a certain behavior, it’s about recognition and acknowledgment of how our actions affect another. It’s an admittance that our actions do effect others (and ourselves). In relationships we offer information through our behaviour and connection (or lack of) that contributes to an outcome. If that outcome is not what we’re looking for, then apologizing can also be a recognition of how our behavior also effects those involved. It can allow for change to occur. Make some room to work towards forgiving yourself and the other person for what’s happened, not condoning it, but understanding it differently. They may not accept the apology, but will know how you really feel with the added bonus that it’ll help clarify this for you. Remember to be gentle through the process… be mindful of the judgment and assumptions that can (and probably will) occur. Just note/observe them, don’t use or manipulate them. An alternative may be to use th...

We are all accountable and responsible for our thoughts, words and deeds. Whatever we feel may be the "cause" of our demise, our pain, our struggle, our distress, our lack, our incompetence, our inadequacies, our misfortune... we are the only ones who can make this different. We need to step up to the plate, put our toes on the line and make a decision. Assess what you consider to be the problem, the cause of the problem and all the possible solutions you can think of. Ask those close to you what they think... and listen. Try to avoid the tendency to dismiss any ideas you may hear that might not fit what you THINK. If the solutions we consider to be feasible are based on someone else being different, or a situation being different without our changing, then the solution won't work... it just doesn't. You can paint it any colour you like, stop relying on that. The most common definition of insanity is one that most of you have heard... Repeating the same behaviour and ...

Have you ever made up a list of things that you consider to be problems in your life? Has anyone ever suggested that you do this? It's a very good idea.... make your list. Have you wondered why certain items are on your particular list????? Okay, now you work on eliminating a few items... let's work on one first! Inevitably... what happens? If you are actually successful at dealing with an issue (by the way good for you), how long is it before something else seems to creep up the list into your reality? We must need to live with problems, some quietly, some not. Like they say, "there's always sumpthin"! How does this system occur and why? Sure we can live, perhaps for awhile believing that all our problems are minimal, but for how long? We encourage problems like they're our job! When I first met Angie (not her real name) she was in detox... a pursistent life of doing crack and the pursuit of crack had led her there. Through bleery eyes she first offered to t...

Our sensitivities are indicators of our inner projections... the thoughts or beliefs that we hold to be true. The indicators are critical to pay attention to. I'll give you an example... I go shopping and pick up 4 bags of groceries and bring them home. As my loving wife is helping me unload the groceries, she notices that I've forgotten an item, say, eggs. She point this out to me in an observational manner, "you forgot the eggs". On a good day... I hear the "observation". I don't take it personally nor do I feel threatened by the comment. It's simply a comment... information. I may respond with "do we need them today?" or "would you like me to get some later?"... On not a good day.... (I'll describe later what this means) I hear the comment and take it personally as a negative judgment and feel hurt and defensive. I quickly go through a cycle of self-comments, most of the time I am not aware I am doing this... My self-commen...

Ego has a purpose. It has a function in our lives that we all must consider, learn about and embrace. Our ego allows us to individuate ourselves from each other. I am a separate being on this planet. I exist as an individual. I have my own body, my own mind, my own will.... The job of our ego is to allow us to believe that we must exist this way. What is puzzling to me is that what we all seek in our lives, what we all feel is missing, what we all genuinely want to hold on to is connection; a sense of spiritual inclusion with each other, the desire to feel a true sense of belonging. We grieve when we don't have it and crave it when it's not there. Almost all art, all music is about one topic... unrequited love. The longing for that which we feel we don't have. So, now we have a paradox to deal with. On one hand we have our egos which cause us to see the world of separation, of division; and we have our spirituality which sees us as connected spirits walking along the same p...

There have been many books on addiction... many opinions on addiction... much research done on addiction... many questions about addiction.... I majored in addictions at college and worked for many years at an addiction treatment hospital and with many clients in my private practice over the past 20 years... I, like many others, don't have to look far to see addiction in my family & friends... But still no satisfactory explanation... We have addictions for alcohol, nicotine, food, sex, narcotics, coffee, work... There seem to be addictions for just about everything! The best explanation I have for addictions is that it is a complex blend of biopsychosocial components that seems different for every person. The similarity for all seems to be a loss of impulse control. We all need to remember that we can justify anything in our minds! When we have a pre-existing conclusion embedded in our minds, we will then naturally go to the supportive evidence to justify the behaviour. Ta...

It makes sense that we all tend to see things differently. We all have varying life experiences, information, judgements, perspectives and interests. We all think differently. People tend to become rigid and fixed in their expectations and beliefs about what's "right or wrong". Conflict occurs when there is a perception of competing interests between people. Because of our perceived differences, conflict seems to be a natural and normal occurrence in our lives. When conflict occurs in a family, particularly around a marriage separation, it can be worse because of the emotion involved. Taking sides and being right can seem even more important than never. These situations can often needlessly affect the well-being and natural development of children. Children can not help but be involved and their needs require sensitive attention. They can feel like it's their fault or feel responsible for fixing the situation. They can feel helpless, hopeless and alone. Others can als...