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We’re all victims… Aren’t we? This could be the most difficult article to read you’ve ever read! Pretty much everyone I speak with has, at one time or another, felt victimized by another. Some have unknowingly created a mindset or perspective of victimization.   We’re all smart people, right? So how does this happen? It typically occurs predominately in close relationships; relationships where we think it shouldn’t happen… but does. Why? Most immediately respond by blaming and finding fault with the perpetrator of the behaviour that leads to the feeling of being victimized. I’m not suggesting for a minute that real victimization does not occur, nor is it my intent to minimize, excuse or defend the harm that can be created by others… whether intended or not. This is to rather help better understand the why this victimization occurs in the first place. Often when I’m working with a client in this situation I’ll at some point during their therapy question them about the role they may ...

Addiction - Why traditional methods may not work... I have to premise this writing with a concern that some may have over it's content. I do not intend to say absolutely that current treatment doesn't work, only to help explain why it seems so difficult to overcome addiction and to suggest alternatives.  It has been contended for years that addiction is not a disease. It shares some of the hallmark signs of disease, but it is not. It is a the result of a serious chronic health imbalance. The underlying psychological, physiological  and biological issues are the primary concern. It is more complex than some have been led to believe. I ask myself, why is it that people of sound mind and body, would consciously behave in a manner that will knowingly cause harm to themselves or others? That is hard to believe. Very few clients I have met in my 30 years of working the field have been psychopathic, sociopathic or schizophrenic... or simply unable to distinguish between reality and n...

  Most divorcing parents are very concerned about their children’s reactions to their separation and divorce. They want to know, “Will my child grow up to be healthy and happy?” Sociologists and psychologists are just beginning to provide reliable information about the effects of divorce on children. There are a number of important factors. Research shows that the effects depend on the age of the child at the time of divorce. It can also depend on the child’s gender and personality, the amount of conflict between parents and the support provided by friends and family.   One factor is clear though... the better you deal with your separation, the better your children will be!     Children 's Age   We know little about the effects of divorce on children younger than two or three years of age. Young children do not always suffer if a divorce occurs. However, problems may occur if a close relationship or bond between a parent and child is broken. Parents should agree...

yabutyou!!!!! How many times do we hear ourselves or others saying (or thinking) this? We seem to want to displace our personal responsibilities onto others, as if to say I am not responsible.... or you made me do that! We see it in extreme cases where people may be prone to interpreting what others have said as an implied (or direct) criticism or threat to our existence. For example, a person who hits their child (or wife) and while doing so will say, "look what you made me do!" I know it seems insane to believe that we are all capable of doing this in some fashion... and I'm not saying everyone hits their child (or wife)... but don't we all like to blame others or circumstances for explaining why we are in an uncomfortable predicament that we're in? Isn't far more convenient to blame... relieving us of the responsibility to be accountable? Another example... 2 Children arguing in the school yard. You ask them "who started it" and they will invariab...

New Year Resolutions? No Excuses! Most of us have made,,, and failed at our New Years Resolutions... In fact, most don't even bother any more... tired of feeling disappointed and upset at our own personal failures. There is a reason for everything! We need to better explore and understand why this occurs year after year... why we tend to make the same old mistakes and follow a similar path to a seemingly forgone conclusion. There is only one truth which is irrefutable: when what you're thinking or doing isn't creating the result you want... you need to change something! Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity!   Be successful this year!!!!!!  To start with: 1. Ask yourself why you think you want what you want? Write it down... all of it. 2. Ask yourself what you will be like when you achieve your resolution? 3. Then... the tough one... ask yourself what has interfered with you achieving your goals previously...

                                         

Most of us have made,,, and failed at our New Years Resolutions... In fact, most don't even bother any more... tired of feeling disappointed and upset at our own personal failures. There is a reason for everything! We need to better explore and understand why this occurs year after year... why we tend to make the same old mistakes and follow a similar path to a seemingly forgone conclusion. There is only one truth which is irrefutable: when what you're thinking or doing isn't creating the result you want... you need to change something! Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity! To start with: 1. Ask yourself why you think you want what you want? Write it down... all of it. 2. Ask yourself what you will be like when you achieve your resolution? 3. Then... the tough one... ask yourself what has interfered with you achieving your goals previously? 4. Recognise that additional support is required and beneficial in you...

Marital Separation is often the most difficult and challenging time in a person's life...  Help is Here! Are you or someone you know going through a separation? This is often a confusing and stressful time... Most people in this situation have many questions and are concerned about going through the process in an economical, timely and respectful manner. Questions like, What about the children?, Who gets what?, What about support? What do we tell the kids?... need to be answered. Couples often want help to resolve their differences in a respectful manner as quickly as possible so that you can move forward with your lives. Most people don't want this to take a long time, go to court, or spend a lot of money. Mediation is the best way to help you resolve your questions through assisted negotiation. As a neutral third party, I help you develop a solution, called the settlement agreement, which you will both support. This agreement is far more likely to continue to be supported as...

Happiness seems to be an elusive and yet desired state for many. People want to be happy as a direct result of being/feeling unhappy... they may feel that something is missing in their lives or that things are going wrong. Remember my old question... if you don't have what you want in your life, why not? The following are steps to follow which will help you find the happiness you seek: 1. Write down what you are unhappy about. This will help clarify what's important to you and how you describe your personal happiness. Each item on your list needs to be addressed differently than you have previously or else you'll likely keep getting a similar result. 2. Recognize that you have, in some way, contributed to your unhappiness and can therefore do the same to contribute to your happiness! We don't make ourselves unhappy on purpose... so we need to make a conscious effort to contribute to changing that. 3. Make a decision to be happy. You need to allow for room in your mind t...

Mediation is a process where a neutral, unbiased person (the mediator) assists the parties in dispute to negotiate a mutual, supportable resolution that  they have had challenges doing themselves. It is very effective for marital separations. The following are ten reasons why you should consider mediation (also known as alternative dispute resolution or A.D.R.) as part of your separation process. 1. The process is private and confidential. The only information others need to have is put into the resultant settlement agreement. 2. The issues are discussed and decisions made by you, together. Isn't it better that you have input into your own settlement rather than being told by lawyers, judge or well-intentioned family members or friends? 3.  Where children are involved, the focus is kept on the best interests of the children, to develop an effective plan for the children involved.   4. Mediation is typically much faster than going through litigation. 5. An opportunity to ...