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We’re all victims… Aren’t we? This could be the most difficult article to read you’ve ever read! Pretty much everyone I speak with has, at one time or another, felt victimized by another. Some have unknowingly created a mindset or perspective of victimization.   We’re all smart people, right? So how does this happen? It typically occurs predominately in close relationships; relationships where we think it shouldn’t happen… but does. Why? Most immediately respond by blaming and finding fault with the perpetrator of the behaviour that leads to the feeling of being victimized. I’m not suggesting for a minute that real victimization does not occur, nor is it my intent to minimize, excuse or defend the harm that can be created by others… whether intended or not. This is to rather help better understand the why this victimization occurs in the first place. Often when I’m working with a client in this situation I’ll at some point during their therapy question them about the role they may ...
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Addiction... New Treatment

Addiction - Why traditional methods may not work... I have to premise this writing with a concern that some may have over it's content. I do not intend to say absolutely that current treatment doesn't work, only to help explain why it seems so difficult to overcome addiction and to suggest alternatives.  It has been contended for years that addiction is not a disease. It shares some of the hallmark signs of disease, but it is not. It is a the result of a serious chronic health imbalance. The underlying psychological, physiological  and biological issues are the primary concern. It is more complex than some have been led to believe. I ask myself, why is it that people of sound mind and body, would consciously behave in a manner that will knowingly cause harm to themselves or others? That is hard to believe. Very few clients I have met in my 30 years of working the field have been psychopathic, sociopathic or schizophrenic... or simply unable to distinguish between reality and n...

The Effects of Separation and Divorce in Children

  Most divorcing parents are very concerned about their children’s reactions to their separation and divorce. They want to know, “Will my child grow up to be healthy and happy?” Sociologists and psychologists are just beginning to provide reliable information about the effects of divorce on children. There are a number of important factors. Research shows that the effects depend on the age of the child at the time of divorce. It can also depend on the child’s gender and personality, the amount of conflict between parents and the support provided by friends and family.   One factor is clear though... the better you deal with your separation, the better your children will be!     Children 's Age   We know little about the effects of divorce on children younger than two or three years of age. Young children do not always suffer if a divorce occurs. However, problems may occur if a close relationship or bond between a parent and child is broken. Parents should agree...

The Blame Game

yabutyou!!!!! How many times do we hear ourselves or others saying (or thinking) this? We seem to want to displace our personal responsibilities onto others, as if to say I am not responsible.... or you made me do that! We see it in extreme cases where people may be prone to interpreting what others have said as an implied (or direct) criticism or threat to our existence. For example, a person who hits their child (or wife) and while doing so will say, "look what you made me do!" I know it seems insane to believe that we are all capable of doing this in some fashion... and I'm not saying everyone hits their child (or wife)... but don't we all like to blame others or circumstances for explaining why we are in an uncomfortable predicament that we're in? Isn't far more convenient to blame... relieving us of the responsibility to be accountable? Another example... 2 Children arguing in the school yard. You ask them "who started it" and they will invariab...

NewYear's Resolutions? How to be Successful!

New Year Resolutions? No Excuses! Most of us have made,,, and failed at our New Years Resolutions... In fact, most don't even bother any more... tired of feeling disappointed and upset at our own personal failures. There is a reason for everything! We need to better explore and understand why this occurs year after year... why we tend to make the same old mistakes and follow a similar path to a seemingly forgone conclusion. There is only one truth which is irrefutable: when what you're thinking or doing isn't creating the result you want... you need to change something! Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity!   Be successful this year!!!!!!  To start with: 1. Ask yourself why you think you want what you want? Write it down... all of it. 2. Ask yourself what you will be like when you achieve your resolution? 3. Then... the tough one... ask yourself what has interfered with you achieving your goals previously...

20 Common Misconceptions

                                         

New Year Resolutions?

Most of us have made,,, and failed at our New Years Resolutions... In fact, most don't even bother any more... tired of feeling disappointed and upset at our own personal failures. There is a reason for everything! We need to better explore and understand why this occurs year after year... why we tend to make the same old mistakes and follow a similar path to a seemingly forgone conclusion. There is only one truth which is irrefutable: when what you're thinking or doing isn't creating the result you want... you need to change something! Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity! To start with: 1. Ask yourself why you think you want what you want? Write it down... all of it. 2. Ask yourself what you will be like when you achieve your resolution? 3. Then... the tough one... ask yourself what has interfered with you achieving your goals previously? 4. Recognise that additional support is required and beneficial in you...